Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
5 Insecurities That Are Ruining Your Sex Life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nikki Haley Calls Jared Kushner A Hidden Genius—And Twitter Ain’t Buying It
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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