fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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