last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
