I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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