We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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