New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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