I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
