i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
