I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
