It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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