I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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