She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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