I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
