she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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