You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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