The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
