My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
