If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
