I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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