so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
