the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
