Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
