Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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