if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
