How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
