My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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