make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
