Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
