This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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