yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
