If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
