i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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