On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
