I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
