Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
