I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
