I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
