put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
