You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you made out with another girl for some wings
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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