yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
