You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize