dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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