I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
