did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
