my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
