now i know why i became what i already was.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
