In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
