i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
