your parents love me but you hate me
I'm jealous of your bromance
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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