We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
