thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
