you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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