so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
