I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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