my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
