when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
