Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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