i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
