I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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