I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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