I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
