Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
